life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
