Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
