ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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