I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
