You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
