Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
