this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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