he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It was confusing and full of hummus
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Randomize
