I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
