I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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