We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
