apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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