Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
