So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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