Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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