you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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