Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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