Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
