oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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