dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
