In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
