Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
