so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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