My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
