so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
