my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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