mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
It was confusing and full of hummus
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
