I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
