Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
