guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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