dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
