I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
