I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
