i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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