Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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