Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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