I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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