I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm both gender and math confused
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
