Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
