I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
