Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
