I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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