Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
this will be a night to untag.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
