I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
