farters have to be the big spoon...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
