fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
