worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
