You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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