Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
