Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
