just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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