she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
it's like heaven, but drunker
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
