3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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