I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I AM VODKA MAN
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Randomize
