omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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